The porcelain bowl-shaped collection dish of my thoughts

To offset the QQ, I’ve got a bizarro QQ blog post. I couldn’t think of the opposite for QQ though, hence the smiley. Anywho, bragging incoming.

Bethany has visited Michigan every couple months. Each time, her biological dad has contacted me to arrange times to pick her up. And you know what? It’s been awesome spending time with her.

I’ve lost weight. Been consistently walking 2 miles a day, eating less food, drinking more water, etc. I feel pretty fricken proud when others take notice. More progress means more noticeable changes.

Financially, I’m doing much better now than when I was in a relationship. No longer living paycheck-to-paycheck and I’m consistently able to pay the less-strict bills too. I’ve wanted a healthy savings account since I started at LW and now it takes little effort to keep one thriving.

I’ve got a lot of relationships that I’m extremely grateful for. Ones involving babes, even. I’ll have to ‘yadda yadda’ the benefits of those ones.

I’m good at my job, enough so because I’m sought after for advice from n00bs as well as senior folk. Feeling useful is more valuable to me than being paid more.

This past month has been rough for me. My spirits have been diminished and I’ve had days where I’d stew in negativity, serving little purpose. Posting about it here won’t fix the problems, but getting it off my chest may help.

As of last month, Michele & Bethany have been gone a year. Dating aside, Michele and I have been together since we were 15. If this wasn’t bad enough, I’ve spent this past month cleaning out our old apartment.

Zero, literally zero of my local guy friends were willing to help me move. Even the guys I’ve helped move, or offered similar help to. It’s so cheap that they’d quickly dismiss a friend in need. Hired movers, screw ‘em.

My birthday came and went, same group of friends didn’t care. Two years ago, friends threw me a friggen awesome party. This year I didn’t even get an acknowledgment from most.

A sweet job opportunity came and went. It’s been in a ‘any day now its gonna happen’ status for months, then reverted to a perma-backburner status.

Unrelated to the aforementioned fail, many friendships have dissolved around me. For the most part, they seem uninterested/preoccupied. One of the more-important ones involve unexplained strife and denial. However, I acknowledge that until recently I’ve been unavailable for spur-the-moment invitations.

So my shipment of fail has been docked in the harbor. But you know what? All this is a series of hurdles. Nothing I won’t survive. New apartment, new opportunities for income, new relationships, I can send my shipment of fail onward.

My QQ post is up. Lets move on.

Overall, I’ve liked this game quite a bit. A few gripes, but still well worth $40.

Pros
- Satisfying. The game makes it easy to pull off cool feats. Even if it takes a while to get the hang of it, your fail looks awesome.
- Forgiving. Fatally botching a leap, getting raped in combat, or n00bing up a mission will result in a minor setback called getting “Desynchronized”.
- Animations omg. The sequel includes even more impressive maneuvers and executions than the original. My favorite part of the game is pulling them off without having to plan on it.
- Non-stupid puzzles. Though some are fairly simple, there’s been a few that took me a while. Its nice to find a game that doesn’t spell everything out.
- Nicer pacing. You’re less interrupted with the dual plot than the original game. The not-an-assassin time has kept itself interesting by shaving off unnecessary frequency.

Cons
- A little TOO forgiving. Retries, item replenishment, and currency are easily accessible. Not much is at stake if I neglect resources.
- Accept or Deny? Why pause gameplay with a confirmation prompt if I just deliberately entered a cutscene that introduces a mission?
- Guards are mere pawns. Your frequent adversary is hordes of anonymous guards that bravely defend their post in a city plagued by an unstoppable assassin. Nobody seems very troubled over the high body count, nor can they remember the assassin’s stylish description once a few Wanted posters are removed.

There I was, game in hand, exiting my local Best Buy store after a lengthy inner debate. My mind was weary, I had slaved over whether to buy Assassins Creed 2 for $40, or Alan Wake for $60. Now, with the former in hand, I was eager to race home to engage in historical stabbing. Suddenly the air became still, I could sense all movement slow to a crawl around me. My car, a mere couple feet from my key-in-hand, slid away from me as dread raced my spine.

A cheerfully energetic 20-something hailed me in the parking lot. After a few initial questions (probably to consider whether or not I was a rapist), she asked to have a longer conversation inside my car. I obliged because, after all, it had been ages since I shared such beautiful company without them being bound & gagged.

Her: “I’m in a Public Speaking class and our assignment is to approach total strangers. It’s so we can get used the social challenges that’d help prepare us for talking to groups of people.”

[She asks about my interests, I insert some humor into my responses, she laughs and says I'm awesome, etc]
[She explains that the points she earns talking to strangers go toward a contest. The grand reward is a trip to Fiji. She then takes out a big card containing items with varying point values]

Her: “You pick out what magazine subscriptions you’re interested in, and then I put them on this sales order, and at the end of the day I get the points printed next to the ones you pick. Heh, earlier some guy bought *10* of them, but it’s totally cool if you don’t–”

[My puzzled look catches her attention]

Her: “Did you have a question?”
Me: “Sorry, I guess I’m confused as to how magazine subscriptions relate to public speaking…”
Her: “Oooh, no problem. They’re to show proof that I actually talked to the people I approached.– but yeah, don’t feel pressured to get 10 subscriptions like that other guy.”

[She continues on for a bit, then takes out a small receipt/form thing and asks for my address & full name. She writes my first name but before I give her anything further, I pause things]

Me: “I want to think this over at home before buying anything… (jokingly) I’m pretty indecisive”
Her: “Ah sorry, the thing is- you have to order now. It’s how it works; my rules are to get orders on the spot”
Me: “I don’t like making rushed decisions, I’d only consider buying something if I can think it over on my own terms.”
Her: “But.. (pause).. I already have your name on this receipt. I lose points for voiding. Look, just getting ONE magazine will avoid setting me back and you’d only have to pick one. Can’t you pick one?”
Me: “Sorry, I can’t do this. I-”
Her: (cutting me off) “You want to help me, right? I really want to go to Fiji..”
Me: “No. Sorry.”
Her: (dropping the act. Not angry, but not friendly now) “Fine. I’m really sorry to have disturbed you. If anybody else from my class approaches you, just… tell them you don’t want to be bothered and not to waste your time.”
[She packs up her sale papers and whatnot, adding similar comments]
Me: “Do you try to put guilt trips on /everybody/ that doesn’t buy your magazines?”
Her: (jaw drops, then says) “If you’re feeling guilty, that’s on you. It’s nothing I did.”
[She steps out of the car]
Me: “Good luck. (sarcastically) Have a nice day!”

Last night, while hanging out with some friends, we opted for some Taco Bell lovin’ while trying to decide if they were gonna sleep at my place or make the long trek home (neighboring city). While en route, I hit a pothole and now my suspension vibrates/grinds when I hit even the slightest of bumps at the tire that hit the pothole .

No visible damage, we couldn’t determine what broke or shifted out of place. Cautiously, we completed our trip to Taco Bell, made it home, and wrapped up the night.

The timing of this sucks. Today I’m suppose to be driving to Grand Rapids to see another friend, its the fourth of July and businesses will likely be closed until after tomorrow.

But on a plus side, last night was pretty awesome. Even trade? Anyways, just trying to glean some sympathy from yall. I’ll check my car later to see if I’ve received enough for it to magically fix itself. Don’t forget to use a duck (or goose, if one isn’t available) to boost your sympathy signal.

It came and went.

Family, bunches of social networking folks, and a couple friends wished me Happy Birthday.  They’re awesome.

Also awesome, I got a call from Bethany in the wee morning hours, she took it upon herself even.  <3

But overall, the whole event was pretty depressing.  The highlights of this poo sammich:

-  20 minutes into the day, a close friend elected to ask for tech support prior to the acknowledgment.

- The one person that spent time with me to celebrate the milestone, received some harsh news that abruptly ended things.

- I was complimented for my superior gift selection from a friend on their birthday, but on my birthday they neglected to even acknowledge it.  Even worse, they congratulated somebody else that they’ve openly spoken ill about.

- Even the people I talk to the most frequently had forgotten, they heard about the upcoming day a mere 4 days prior.

As a couple disclaimers,  I’ve become a hermit lately so I can’t expect people to hold onto my day with breathless anticipation.  Plus I’m guilty of forgetting birthdays too.

Its not like I’d want gifts or a party, no material perks at all.  If a birthday is somebody’s ‘next lap’ in their life long run, then I’d want an occasional cheer from the audience to know they’re still watching.

The last few days have been pretty complicated with figuring out an optimal schedule.  Handling my nerd groups, reducing my obligations for carpooling, and most importantly opening up the ability to see other friends again.  Here’s what I’m at now:

4pm-2am, Friday thru Sunday off

Saturday and Sunday are routinely open now, which will certainly help.  I’m pretty excited.  =D

And since I know yall are curious, I had landed my previous schedule to help with carpooling a car-less friend to work.  So in addition to the open-invitation to switch back whenever, going to second shift was anything but a fleeting thought (*cough* Steven *cough*).

Now invite me to places, people.

My grandma (yes, my family calls her Nana) isn’t doing so well, an inevitability for most grandmas.  Kidney issues have lead to various medication complications and the resulting side effects.  That’s not to say any malpractice is present, but I’m learning that people with a number of medication-worthy issues run into conflicting ‘solutions’.  Basically she’s faced with either frequent dialysis treatments or opting out of any further treatment.

My conversation with my aunt is similar to what I’m posting here.   Mind you, I wasn’t THIS upfront about such feelings, but the point was still conveyed.

A few years ago, an aunt (different from the aforementioned aunt) passed away.  Her husband, my Uncle Sal, was understandably distraught from her passing.  His health failed during the next year or so until he too passed away.  While I attended his funeral, I couldn’t help but feel relief knowing that he’s with her now.  His crossing over means they’ll never have to be separated again, wherever they’re at now.  So, in some sense, the whole thing seems oddly romantic to me.  A ‘together forever’ type of thing.

For Nana, I feel the same way.  She absolutely does not want dialysis, she’s been persnickety about her medication up till this point too.  Her husband, my grandpa, died  10 years ago.  It feels wrong to withhold her wishes to follow in his footsteps and rejoin him.

My booming fanbase for my blog has reached gut-wrenching new records.  Within a matter of months, my unique visitors will achieve a 2-digit count (before excluding Google and Yahoo search bots).  To give back to my loyal followers, I’ve considered expanding my operations.

Games – Blogging about them can ‘brain poop’ that stuff out of my head, freeing up space for more interesting opinions.  I don’t want to post comprehensive short-novels, just share some of the finer points (or annoyances) of the games I’m into.

Dreams – I have a lot of them.  I’m pretty sure they’re random, but they still manage to fall into a set few categories.  Blogging about them would keep record of such events before they’re lost in the dark cat pee-smelling closet of my shoddy memory.  The usual dream categories for me are:

Special powers – Usually flight, sometimes telekinesis.  I occasionally have dreams where I realize I can do something really awesome, then spend lots of time practicing, or showing it off, or trying to understand why I never noticed such abnormalities before.

Epic failure – Personality flaw, clairvoyance, or a negative interpretation of random images ?  These dreams present a challenge of some sort that inevitably results in a grim outcome.  I’ve been mauled by shadowy K-9 hounds from my parents’ basement, chomped by possessed dolls, and murdered in hostage & robbery situations.

Girls – Names omitted, obviously.  Satisfyingly successful dates, rescuing old crushes, romantic entanglements of random female acquaintances.  The morning always brings disappointment or dramatic WTFs.

Morbid – Lately, the most popular category for me.  But also the prime reason I’m hesitant to share.  Why don’t I skip this one?  Because it’d offer the most consistent resource of interesting updates… just at the expense of wary looks at the office.  Pretty sick stuff though, enough to make me queasy when I wake up.  Or is the queasiness what causes the morbid dreams?  Hmm.

Comments, suggestions, criticisms welcome.  Providing I agree with them.

Disclaimer:  This post spoils the first 50 or 60 pages of  House of Leaves.  But considering it’s length, it’s not a staggering blow to your fulfillment of the story.

Nearly finished with House of Leaves, but even still I’m impressed by it’s awesome premise.  More-so because the author created it by simply breaking a rule we’ve all taken for granted.  Space, not the Outer kind, the Anywhere kind.  It’s existence is a constant.  Never created or destroyed, just different.  Like matter.  Or is space a form of matter?  I don’t think so, but that topic is far too thought-provoking for a blog like mine.  Anyways, the author dictates that space can exist in places where the quantity of it exceeds more than whats possible.

A family buys a house of Ash Tree Lane somewhere down south.  They’re gone on a trip for the weekend.  When they return, they discover a door in their master bedroom.  The door reveals an empty ‘thru closet’ to the adjacent kids’ bedroom.  Their pictures, shot when they first moved in, as well as the original house blueprints, prove that the closet is indeed new.  Careful measuring reveals an even stranger fact; the addition of the closet extends the house’s interior dimensions further than the exterior.  In other words, the house is bigger on the inside than the outside.

Weeks pass while the husband remeasures and re-remeasures the dimensions, using new tools & techniques.  The wife decides to make the best of the situation by decorating and purchasing a bookshelf to add to the new room.  The bookshelf’s width perfectly occupies the span between the master bedroom to the kid’s room.  As the husband conducts a self-shot video documentary about the new room, wind blows the closet door shut.  In the moment that it takes the wife to open the door, she shrieks as she discovers that the bookshelf no longer fully occupies that distance between the two bedrooms; an extra foot-long gap is suddenly present.

Buy the book.  It was a mere $20 at Schuler’s when I picked it up.  An easy expense for such an epic introduction.  I’d like to paraphrase another passage, but I’d feel like I was taking away more of the fulfillment.  For those of you that read it, you’ll know which I’m referring to when a primary character says “I am not who I used to be”.  An awesome line for the situation that triggers it.

By reading this blog post, you obligate yourself to either sharing your opinion of the story when it’s finished, or writing a 500-page essay on why you’re a cheap prick.